end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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