he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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