Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
