Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
