i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
