That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
