You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
