dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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