He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
