There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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