So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
