To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sober January is a disaster.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
