Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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