I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
