5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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