he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
