I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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