got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
