I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
