everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
