I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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