I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
