Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
