what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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