The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
