FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
