You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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