Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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