just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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