I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
