she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
