right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
