Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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