Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You have to summon your inner elephant
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
