You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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