You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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