So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
