Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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