well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
