I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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