Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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