y did u give ur computer a hand job?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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