barbara walters just said penis...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
