Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
