community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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