he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
