There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
