I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
