then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
