Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
